Years ago my girlfriend had a set of these.

Plastic, bigger than a golf ball, smaller than a tennis ball, with a hevy metal ball-bearing inside – that’s what they mean when they say they are “wighted” – they had a remarkable, instantaneous and pretty much continual effect on her. She came quick and easy at the best of times, and best of all (for her and me) she came often – over and over again. We tried lots of toys and devices, obviously, and they all worked. These things kept her cumming for hours, quite literally.

She wore them in all sorts of situations – at home, of course, out for the evening and especially when dancing. Any halfway decent floor-filler that got her hips moving meant she was cumming in minutes, and kept on cumming all the time she was dancing. After a couple of tunes she could hardly walk.

We often went out to clubs with the objective of letting guys hit on her, arriving separately, not sitting together and so on, and she dressed to get attention, all those micro-minis and Ra-Ra skirts that were all the rage at the time. When other guys asked her for a dance the balls were an obvious addition to the fun. The effects were almost instant and chaps assumed they had suddenly developed super powers, becuase within seconds of holding her close she started cumming and kept on doing it.

They were brilliant, the balls. But they had two drawbacks.

One is that no girl dare go out of the house knickerless with these in place, or even if she’s wearing a thong. She’ll be soaking in seconds, and they plop out of a wet pussy with ridiulous ease. Once they’re on the floor of a bar, or Sainsbury’s, there’s no mistaking what they are and where they came from. Trust me.

And the second is that they make an appalling racket. The ball-bearing bangs around in the plastic ball making noises like a mad drummer beating a tin plate with a hammer. Even when they were safely stowed inside her the noise was stil audible, and though people may not know what it is, they can tell it’s coming from her nether regions and they start asking questions pretty quickly.

She called them her Klackers, after the toy of the same name. They fitted into her pussy as well, and they could make her cum, but but the lacked the ball-bearing and made it all a bit less frantic.

You can fread a bit more about her Klackers, and her extraordinary sexual appetite in the book I wrote about her. Insatiable is volume three of the series: The Six Wives of Henry the Cuckold. and it’s called Insatiable because that’s what she was. The only girl I ever met who genuinely couldn’t get enough. And once she’d discovered #bigblackcock (and they’d discovered her) she really was getting a lot.

What’s wrong with you people?

Half? Is that all?

With nothing to do but sit at home, only half the population had a crafty wank?

But each visit lasted around ten minutes, which is probably a lot longer than some of them spend shagging their wives, and longer than they devote to foreplay, so maybe you can see why so many wives are feeling deprived. But oddly, 50 per cent of the male population was watching porn but only 16 percent of women – you girls have got some catching up to do,

Encouragingly porn has more viewers than some major TV channels, including BBC news. All the details in the link –

Farewell tumblr…

… seems like constructive criticism isn’t wanted any more.

I did try to contact support to find out why, but the page is unresponsive. Guess there’s no support for terminated accounts.

Shan’t miss it, since I only visit once a month, instead of every day like I used to, and really only used it for posting curiosities like the one below.

“Notorious dogging spot”

still plagued at night

Well, if you can’t go to a deserted beauty spot after dark so your wife can have sex with random strangers, where can you go?

Seriously though, if the council sets aside spaces for ramblers, runners, dog-walkers and the like, surely there’s room for a small car park to be reserved for dogging. It’d probably put the drug dealers off if they knew there’d be dozens of spectators on site.especially if they were all taking pictures.

But you know what? I bet there’s a lot of people in Authority who prefer druggies to doggers, and would rather see lives ruined by discreet heroin selling than livened up by indiscreet shagging.

In Praise of Women Who Love Flashing

Works every time, I can promise you. And it’s so much more fun this way.

Flashing is one of the easiest and most under-rated of all sexy behaviour, a huge turn-on for everyone watching, and that includes you, of course. It’s a;so guaranteed to make her knickers wet. If she’s wearing any..

This isn’t helping, tumblr

We’re alll struggling with boundaries, never more so in the world of online porn. Those of us who think there’s a place for it are up against people who don’t. Freedom of speech issues aside, there are some good things about porn – and some bad ones.

It’s a reflection of life, after all, and there’s good and bad in everything, whether it’s mainstream movies, newspaper journalism, TV game shows, or music.

So it’s no surprise if porn turns out to have a similar mix

But it IS a surprise to discover how bad we are at policing that issue ourselves, and by ourselves I mean platform providers like xHamster and tumblr.

We all know about tumblr’s struggle to maintain a well-balanced content against an unbalanced income stream. Simply put, Apple wouldn’t allow it in the Apple Store until all the potentially illegal content was removed. They were principally concerned with child exploitation and revenge porn, and no sane person could take issue with that.

But tumblr seemed unable to comply with that requirement and instigated a blanket ban on all porn. A vibrant, thoughtful and intelligent community died on that day – and so theoretically did a lot of very unpleasant stuff, so who’s complaining, right?

Two years later and the credit card companies have done the same sort of thing to xHamster and Pornhub, with millions of perfectly innocent amateur pics and videos deleted in the hope that it will stop the unacceptable content. It seems unbelievable that there is no automated way of achieving the same thing, especially when algorithms can weed out copyright and terrorist material quite easily, but maybe the cost benefit analysis makes this wholesale deletion the shareholders’ choice rather than the users’ preference.

But it’s not really working from any angle

A month ago, this relatively inoffensive post on my blog was blocked by tumblr:

This post, from someone else, wasn’t blocked, and yet it is clearly offensive in almost every meaningful way –

It’s not my job to police the internet in general or tumblr in particular. But if it was I think I could do it a lot better than this.

Get your act together, or get banned.


When I sat down to write this I thought it would be a fun book. Then it turned out to be six of them. The Six Wives of Henry the Cuckold, in fact.

Although it is indeed a tale of six wives, with lots of fucking, infidelity and cuckolding, it’s as much about change as anything else, and that change was only possible because of The Pill – the oral contraceptive. For the first time in the history of civilisation women could have sex without consequences in the same way as men did, and we’re still learning to live with that idea and the way it changed everything.

Knickers are a prime example.

For thousands of years men and women went without them. Romans had loin-cloths for agricultural workers of both sexes, and bikini-type shorts for sportsmen and women. Greeks did sport naked, and the first Olympic Games was an all-nude affair.

There followed a thousand years of life without underwear. Men had pantaloons or knickerbockers, and were commando beneath; women wore long skirts made from heavy cloth and were naked underneath them.

But then Queen Victoria adapted the men’s outerwear to go beneath her dress, which is how ladies’ underwear came to be called knickers or panties. Hers were made out of two ankle-length trouser-legs, pulled up and tied together at the waist. That’s why they became a pair: you needed two.

They also had an open crutch, which today is considered provocative, but back then there was no alternative. It was decades before you see them sewn together, sometimes with a buttoned opening between the legs for convenience. They were still fairly plain, being functional and intended to remain unseen,

The Great War changed a lot of things, including fashion – and knickers.

While men went off to fight, women were called on to perform tasks they’d previously not been required to do. The more active lifestyle required less voluminous clothing. Shorter, plainer skirts were needed, and even trousers, so shorter, smaller knickers were also required, all in one piece and so easily removed that there was no need for an opening at the crutch. And once knicker-legs had risen above the knee they never went back down, regardless of outerwear fashions.

In the twenties skirts went up as well; all the big, heavy figure-hiding dresses were replaced by light, figure-hugging styles which put legs and thighs on show. Knickers were made from the same diaphanous, billowy materials and were ornately patterned and embellished. No longer underwear fit for a Queen, this was underwear fit to be seen, especially during the vigorous and active dances that were becoming popular. The Charleston has as much to do with looking up a girl’s skirt as the Can-Can, but one was a lewd dance performed by strippers and prostitutes while the other was a lewd dance performed by ordinary girls just having a good time.

Who knows where the trend for attractive, visible underwear might have led to next had yet another war not intervened?

When it was over women had taken another step towards all kinds of equality, and clothes were being made from new materials invented during the technological rush of wartime. That meant figure-hugging garments were possible and knickers became briefs – although today we call them granny-pants, because brief is the last thing they were. Huge and clingy, they were more about control and shaping than anything else, and were designed to be worn under the daring postwar fashions like Dior’s New Look, and give every woman an hourglass figure.

But there was a last flash of excitement for the older-style knickers when American tennis player Gussie Moran gave Wimbledon spectators a good look at her frilly underwear during the 1949 tournament. Pictures appeared in newspapers around the world; the British press called her “gorgeous Gussie” and there was scandal and uproar throughout the country. Designer Teddy Tinling was banned from Wimbledon for 30 years, and there were questions asked in Parliament.

But though they were the centre of attention, her knickers weren’t the real cause of the furore. Up until then ladies playing tennis were expected to dress demurely, in long skirts.

What Teddy Tinling designed was the far more practical, shorter skirt of the kind we take for granted today but was unheard of at the time. It was the hemline that was outrageous, not the underwear, and as well as setting a style for the future he also set the tone for sportswear as fashion. Both the mini skirt of the sixties and the gym clothes of the seventies and eighties have their roots here.

Gorgeous Gussie and her gorgeous gusset

When the mini skirt did arrive in shops it required smaller knickers, and the nylon briefs of the time were the skimpiest underwear that had ever been seen. And it was seen: no girl in a mini could appear in public without her knickers doing the same, and they made their appearance almost in the same breath as The Pill.

Though the knickers got more attention, the pill had a much bigger and longer-lasting effect.

And it affected knickers as well as everythging else, and not simply by causing them to fall off. But more women were having more sex with more men than was possible before, and obviously showing their underwear to more men in the process. For many women and on many occasions, functionality was now secondary to fashion, and women were dressing to undress.

The bikini brief of the kind favoured by Ripley in Alien was only the beginning.

Sigourney Weaver, alluring in just knickers and a spacesuit

First there was the high-leg Brazilian cut adopted by Bunny Girls and Baywatch beauties, which crossed the boundaries between swimwear and underwear. And made its way into the gym clothing fad that gave us Jamie Lee in Perfect, and Jane Fonda’s workout videos. Let’s all drink to Joseph Shivers, the guy who invented Lycra in 1958.

In the early seventies fashion designer Rudi Gernreich came up with an even better way of exploiting the properties of Lycra when he invented the thong bikini. It might have stayed low-key had Helmut Newton not taken a series of iconic photographs of Jerry Hall and Lisa Taylor.

But even though the thong back was now popular with celebs, especially as stagewear, it would take a decade or more to appear in high street shops in any quantity. But once Cher got hold of the idea, near-naked female singers were suddenly everywhere – Madonna of course, and then Britney. But without Cher there could have been no Miley or Gaga.

Cher, not really as naked as she looks, but still…

Suddenly underwear was outerware, and not just for the rich and famous. In bars and clubs all over town, stocking-tops had been replaced by knickers as the latest fashion trend, and even on the street they were the in thing.

The next celeb trend is knickerless, or commando, with dresses that show it off.

But much as we like a commando girl, we love a girl who wears nice knickers and loves to show them off. No matter where she is.

Nowadays knickers are visible in many different ways, and they’re all used to draw attention to the genitals. The pussy. Because thanks to the pill, girls can share it as freely as they want, and luckily that can be quite often. Visible knickers aren’t just a fashion statement. They’re a freedom statement, and a power statement.

There are still enough men who struggle to cope with this idea to make it a difficult time for all girls and women, but the answer to that won’t be found in reclaiming the streets. It’ll be found in education. When young boys grow up believing women are equal we’ll be getting somewhere. There will always be sexual aggressors, same as there are bullies, burglars and bastards in all walks of life. But when it’s abnormal rather than the norm, we’ll be getting somewhere.

Keep on with the short skirts, the visible knickers, the underwear as outwerwear and the see-through dresses. It’s an entitlement to dress as you please and also it’s another step on the road to equality. Right now that road isn’t always as safe as it ought to be, but we’re getting there.